Today I will be lighter

flower
Originally uploaded by Sorrowful.

I am sitting on the couch this morning with the sun in my face holding my first of several cups of coffee and I am welling up inside. I ache so inside that I can't keep it in any longer.

This last week has and will be a pivital point in my relationship with my husband. I need to get reconnected with him. I need to communicate my losses and what I need to be happy again.

Too many losses this year for me. Although it has been months, it is now just starting to eat at me. My layers of thick skin are thinning.

Second pot of coffee:

I haven't communicated to my husband about how I have been feeling and it is starting to show up in ways that just don't work for me and us anymore. I am too close to the ledge now. I either have to back up or take that leap of faith and vulnerablility and make a change for the good.

The emotional baggage I have been carrying around is too much for
me to carry anymore. I need help. I not only carry around my own, but I carry his and my two daughters.

Alone.
I need help with this honey.
I can't do it alone anymore.
I don't want to do it alone anymore.
I need you to be my best friend again. I need you to hear me.
I need your support.
I need to hear why you love me.
I need to hear what is it about me you love?
What do you see in the future for us? what are your dreams?
what do you need?

These questions will be answered today. Today we will reconnect. And today I will be lighter.

"If all hearts were open and all desires known -- as they would be if people showed their souls -- how many gapings, sighings, clenched fists, knotted brows, broad grins, and red eyes should we see in the market-place!

~Author: Thomas Hardy