I had noticed 'someone' looking at this yesterday. I had forgotten about this quote. Second time around ....It only gets better.

The "I" is Someone Else
Some people inhabit their lives
like a reflection does a mirror,
the way a penny rests in a well.
It killed me, you in The Alibi,
a vodka shot in your hand, warning,
"When I come back, I want you
waiting right here."
Me, tendering the illusion of another
self, a projection in the way
a movie can still run with no viewers.
Some people fill their lives
the way a shadow thinly satisfies
a wall, or an arrow finishes a heart.
~by Jeremy Lespi

Cindy. start your Blog!!!!!

A new year is coming am I ready? Are any of us really ready? There always seems to be something that feels off guard. Getting back into the swing off things feel foreign somehow. Not new and fresh just a skip in the record of life. The limbo land between Christmas and New Years feels the worst unless you fill it up with constant shopping and other activities. Somehow I'm not embracing something. I missing the idea maybe. There's a chip in my record and it needs to be replaced in order for me to understand what it is I am missing. It has to do with newness..... change....a chance. I need a new outlook on this time of year. A ritual that meets a need that aches inside.
*******************************************
"I said to the wanting-creature inside me:
What is this river you want to cross?
There are no travelers on the river-road, and no road.
Do you see anyone moving about on that bank, or
nesting?
There is no river at all, and no boat, and no boatman.
There is no tow rope either, and no one to pull it.
There is no ground, no sky, no time, no bank, no
ford!


And there is no body, and no mind!
Do you believe there is some place that will make the
soul less thirsty?
In that great absence you will find nothing.


Be strong then, and enter into your own body;
there you have a sold place for your feet.
Think about it carefully!
Don't go off somewhere else!

Kabir says this: just throw away all thoughts of
imaginary things,
and stand firm in that which you are."


 

Time to go inward

I can't believe this Blog set up. I have to sign in to my own comments in order to respond!
Th Holidays have been quite calm this year. So appreciated! Lots of entertaining and parties to go to. The last minute parties are always the best. Especiallly when they are not at my house. Don't get me wrong, I love to be the hostess , but it is also nice not to be. New Years will also be calm and low key. I guess that's OK. What else would I want? Maybe........ rowdy, darn right out of control situations that we could talk about for years to come? I think I will just let the night roll out as it may and just be a quiet part of it.
I look forward to thing settling down. I am ready to go inward for a while.
*********************************************
It's time to go inward take a look at myself
Time to make the most of the time that I've got left
Prison bars imagined are no less solid steel

Time to go inward would you believe that I'm afraid
To stare down the barrel of the choices I have made
The ghost of bad decisions make mountains out of everything I feel

Outside my window the wind weaves a path through the trees
The moon takes a shine to the shadows that fall on the leaves

It's time to go inward
I don't know if I can do it after all that I've become
I've been a fool for money but it's vanity that always leaves me flat

It's time to go inward man I hope I have the nerve
To take an inventory of the causes that I serve
They say a man without a conscience is like a man without a country
or something like that

It's time to go inward time to be still
If I don't do it now I don't believe I ever will
My mind is like a chatterbox whose noise pollutes the pathways
to my soul

Time to go inward time to get a grip
Time to put an end to one long bad acid trip
I'm all out of excuses for the way I've let my choices take a toll

Jesus and Buddah and Krishna and Minnie Pearl knew
Do unto other the things you want done unto you

Time to go inward take a look at me
Try to make some sense of life's illusions that I see
Try to solve the riddle of what it is I have to offer to this world
~ Rodney Crowell "Fate's Right Hand"

homemade snowman

homemade snowman
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.

I was given this homemade snowman from two (brother and sister) students from my sunday school class last year. We still have it. What time and effort went into this snowman. Look at the knees!! This came from a family whose life is very busy. Typical these days I believe. They call themselves Heathens when they are missed at church. I love their sense of humor. Merry Christmas to you! You are missed.

It's a Boy!

Luke 2
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.

What a cutie!! Slept the whole time he was here. The parents were amazed. "It's the car ride", I told them. Our home was "L's" first outing since he was born. We felt very special. Merry First Christmas "L". We will light a candle for you tonight.

snowy treehouse
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.

The threat of a snow storm is looming. I hope it will reach this far east. There is nothing like the whole town shutting down even for just a day.

Last night gatherng was a good one. I had kept a secret all week of a good friend coming back into town to surprise everyone. It turned out to very emotional for my girls who cried and cried with joy to see their friends again. We will gather again tonight I hope we have a good turn out of friends.
LET IT SNOW!!!!


~If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love friends for their sake rather than for our own.--Charlotte Bronte

The last few days have been hectic. the most hectic I have been in a long time. It's amazing the time and energy it takes for me to entertain in my home at my expectational level!! I only want the best. It can't be just a simple little gathering with potluck type foods, with some light decorations and cleaning to invite my friends in. I have to have bells and whistles. who the hell is it for? It must be for me because no one else really cares. It all about the people not weather or not I have my baseboards wiped down or every cobweb wiped away. What the hell is my problem? Why can't I just open the doors and say "this is it, hope it works for you". Sometimes I have no choice but to do that. But for some reason this time I am all keyed up about this gatherng that doesn't hold the merits of my closest friends. I think there is a shift coming. maybe I have put 'them' in to a slot that merits it. That has to be it!! It can't be because I'm nut or anything. The tension of having this huge tree in my living room has made me moody. I need my space back. The house feels smaller and it gets trash faster. I want all the shopping and running around to stop, January 3rd to be here now,I don't want to see all the people and put up fronts and New Years is going to suck this year. I'd rather stay home. WHEW!!

Okay, I'm alright.
Merry Christmas!

The story of Rosa Parks was viewed in my sunday school class this past sunday, Thanks to the On Earth Peace program . So much history I wasn't aware of or forgot about. The severe ignorance going on back then is amazing. Amazing for the people who had to face that everyday and keep the non-violent theme alive.

It's amazing to me the swelling I get in my chest from the injustice of it all. How it exsist still today. Also, what it meant when I found out my mother belonged to the KKK before she died down in Alamaba. She killed herself because she was afraid of the black people that moved into her neighborhood and there was nothing she could do about it. The ignorant killing the ignorant. Fear killing Fear.

I plan on being downtown the next time the KKK feel they have the right to march freely in our streets. I will be there.

Went down to North Liberty for our annual Christmas Tree cutting. I wanted a short needled tree because it helps to keep the ornaments on. A spruce is what we ended up with . 7ft tall and 5 feet wide. It is the fattest tree we've ever had. The tree exploded in the living room when the ties were cut. I don't think I have enough ornaments for this tree!!! How am I going to get 28 people in this house this Friday? We are having our annual Christmas music party. Thank God we have a basement. The girls went shopping yesterday with their Father. Oh!! what fun they had buying for each other and for their mom. I am starting to feel like a kid. Wrapped presents in my stocking and under the tree. I want to shake them and guess. Maybe when the girls go to bed tonight I will!!
Painting the bathroom is the job of the week. I went to Hills to get paint samples and someone said "Lynne?" and out of the corner of my eye I saw for the first time in 22 years my boyfriend from highschool Matt Magor!!! Holy shit. I don't want to talk to him. can I run? Okay, you can do this......Hey how are you? blah blah blah shake hands ...hope to never see you again.

Life. Coming around in full circle in unexpected ways. I am grateful I looked half way desent!!

I'm siphoning gass from the high school bus
Into the tank of my beat-up bug
So I can drive away from the shouting and misery
I drive into the night, to the hill, to the water tower
To lie on my back and drink in the meteor shower
Knowing that many men have lain as i do now
Ptolemy,Copernicus,Carl Jung
Pondering his existence,pondering,
Is God with me now?

And I look to the sky
And I ask these questions
Yes,I feel something I don't understand
Can somebody say Amen?

My life is but a short and precious seed
Like three seasons of life in a leaf on a tree
And when I cascade to the ground I will not be done
I will mingle with the earth and give life
To the roots again

Can somebody say Amen?

And I look to the sky
And I ask these questions
Yes, I feel something I don't understand
Can somebody say Amen?
Amen for the drivers in their garbage trucks
Amen for our mothers,for the lust to fuck
Amen for the child with innocent eyes
Amen for Kevorkian and the right to die
Amen for NASA,The NSA
It's all a front anyway
Amen for Marilyn Manson,Saddam Hussein
Amen for America and the Milky Way.
Amen for Elvis,for Betty Page
Amen for Gloria Steinham and Ronald Reagan
Amen for O.J.,Clinton too
Amen for the Republican witch hunt coup
Amen for Gandhi,for Malcolm X
Amen for the uprising of the weaker sex
Amen for Babylon, the third world's call,
Amen for the unity of us all
Amen,Amen,Amen

And I am not unique.
We are all leave on this great big tree.
this tree that is life,that is God,that is you,that is me
And I lie under my tree like the Buddhas before and after me
And I ask the stars, "What for?"
Yes, I feel something I can't explain
A light that flickers off and on again
And I look to the sky
And I ask these questions
Yes, I feel something I don't understand
Oh,can somebody say Amen?
~Paula Cole

Been trying to get on this blog for two days. I think the issues of this blog still exsist.

I had one of those nights where I cried and cried. It felt very good, Too many things to cry about. One being the last day I saw my father alive and another not having Corrine around to set the traditions we've been carring out for the last several years. E-mails have come my way and I feel lost trying to keep it all together for the sake of the group. I don't want to do this. I can't. So it's all by the way side this year and thats Ok.

Good Feelings

I have been feeling really good these days. although last night I was about to throw in the towel with homeschooling. It's amazing how a 'little' lack of self esteem can put you in the dumps. I was ready to throw in the towel and say "let someone else do it". But realizing that I was trapped which scared me even more. "What would I do with myself?" Crying was next. I can't and won't go back out into the work force. I need to be here for my girls. I want to give it all up sometimes. I guess that's a natural considering the system I was raised in. Both by divorced parents and the the six different schools systems I was raised in. We all fear things when it comes to our children. "Are we doing the right thing?" ......always thinking that....always. But you know, When I think about it. It could be so much worst. We could totally mess things up but we're not. There is no way I could possibly short change our kids even if I think I don't have what it takes. We all {parents} feel lacks in our abilities to raise our children. Fear fear fear. dam it fear!! I don't like second guessing myself and I don't like to repeat myself. So here I am, stuck in what could be 'a never to be answered question.' We are all guinea pigs as parents. As long as my girls don't come back later in life and say" mom I am screwed up because of how you raised me" I'll be so grateful.
We will always be a product of our upbringing. "Get over it" I say. We've given you all the important tools, what you do with them is up to you." On with our retirement!

So yes, I have been feeling good, LOL!
There are ups and downs in every aspect of life. What makes this any different? So on we plug on. Today was a very good day for everything. I guess that will make up for yesterday.

~In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do. The worst thing you can do is nothing.--Theodore Roosevelt

I have been feeling really good these days. although last night I was about to throw in the towel with homeschooling. It's amazing how a 'little' lack of self esteem can put you in the dumps. I was ready to throw in the towel and say "let someone else do it". But realizing that I was trapped which scared me even more. "What would I do with myself?" Crying was next. I can't and won't go back out into the work force. I need to be here for my girls. I want to give it all up sometimes. I guess that's a natural considering the system I was raised in. Both by divorced parents and the the six different schools systems I was raised in. We all fear things when it comes to our children. "Are we doing the right thing?" ......always thinking that....always. But you know, When I think about it. It could be so much worst. We could totally mess things up but we're not. There is no way I could possibly short change our kids even if I think I don't have what it takes. We all {parents} feel lacks in our abilities to raise our children. Fear fear fear. dam it fear!! I don't like second guessing myself and I don't like to repeat myself. So here I am, stuck in what could be 'a never to be answered question.' We are all guinea pigs as parents. As long as my girls don't come back later in life and say" mom I am screwed up because of how you raised me" I'll be so grateful.
We will always be a product of our upbringing. "Get over it" I say. We've given you all the important tools, what you do with them is up to you." On with our retirement!

So yes, I have been feeling good, LOL!
There are ups and downs in every aspect of life. What makes this any different? So on we plug on. Today was a very good day for everything. I guess that will make up for yesterday.

~In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do. The worst thing you can do is nothing.--Theodore Roosevelt

Mackinaw

Mackinaw
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.

He is a great dog. just a little punchy. need to get him CLIPPED!

Tiggy -to-to

Tiggy -to-to
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.

AAAHH...the Life of a cat. Makes you want to take a nap.

How could I not paste this on my blog?

“Stay safe.” We hear it all the time in Iraq. “Our soldiers are keeping us safe.” One hears it all the time in the Western world. Citizens of the West agreed to go to war because we wanted to be safe from WMD’s, we remain at war because we want to be safe from terrorism, and we pour billions of dollars into war and defense instead of into schools, healthcare, and social services.
Security, security, security. It has become a false god. We are obsessed with “staying safe” and are willing to use violence in order to do so. But “a vain hope for safety is the horse” – or the mini-nukes, fighter jets, tanks, and arms buildup. Despite their power, they cannot save.
What will save us? What about a just distribution of the world’s resources, justice and human rights in all our affairs, an attitude of trust rather than suspicion, friendship rather than intimidation, and an openness to learn rather than to preach. The Qur’an parallels the Biblical tradition when it states “It was God who created you from a single soul.” (Qur’an 7:189). When we remember to place our hope only in God and God’s presence in each other, perhaps at last we will be truly safe.

~Christian Peacemaker Teams

buying,returning,giving

I am unable to get on my blog today. So I will cut and paste from my outlook express when things get fixed.

Packages arrived yesterday. I know what they are. They are the gifts we have purchased online for the girls. I hate shopping at the stores. Yes HATE. Its a strong word. Shopping to me is tourture. Trying to find the best price...who has it? They are out!....raincheck.... Forget it!!

So I pushed the buttons on the computer and WHALA! I have instant gifts. All of which were given to us on a list from our girls. Did I purchase everything that was on their list? Well, I could have. What made me think they needed all that? Even though we pared down one very long list. I tried to make up a longer list for the other child who wanted so simply. What the heck am I doing? This weekend we will go through the box and decide what goes back. Santa gift and mom and dad gift is enough. Not to mention the stockings that could add up to a hefty price.

Simple....simple. trying to keep it simple. Getting into debt isn't a celebration. Sending the extra cash we saved would go to better use in these areas. Who knew this is where Sarah's head is today. I didn't until I saw it on the Sarah Masen website per Annie.

www.worldonfire.ca ( just cut and paste, I haven't figured out the link thing yet, sorry) Maybe you can help?


CHARITY
FOR
AMOUNT
TOTAL DONATION
Carolina for Kibera • 12 room clinic and land deeds
• Medicine for 5000 people for 6 months in Nairobi Kenya • $22,500
• $7,500 $30,000
Comic Relief • Running street children’s hospital in India for a year
… Feeding 10 street children in Calcutta 3 meals daily for 1 year
• Schooling for 100 street children in Tanzania
• Education for 200 students in Ethiopia • $11,050
• $3,000
• $2,500
• $400 $16,950
CARE USA • Building of 6 wells in S.E Asia, Latin America & Africa
• Helping 100 widows to develop income generating activities in Afghanistan
• Sending 145 girls to school for one year in Afghanistan
• Equipping 10 classrooms in Afghanistan
• Training 10 teachers in Afghanistan • $10,200
• $5,400
• $5,000
• $480
• $400 $21,480
DORCAS • Total running costs of orphanage in South Africa
• Improving the lives of 10 elderly people in Eastern Europe • $16,500
• $3,500 $20,000
Engineers Without Borders - Canada • To purchase and implement a Multi-Function Platform in Ghana
• Christy Yaa: scholarships
• Nana Yaa: scholarships • $15,000
• $1,000
• $1,000 $17,000
Help the Aged • Mobile Medical Unit (MMU) vehicle providing medical treatments • $15,000 $15,000
Film Aid • Entertainment & escapism for refugees • $9,500 $9,500
War Child • 70 former child soldiers to receive schooling & psychosocial support
• 7 young people in Sierra Leone to receive job training
• Education, shelter & food for orphans in Ethiopia
• $3,500
• $1,500
• $500
$5,500
Heifer International • 1 heifer, 2 goats, 1 buffalo
• 2 sheep, 4 goats, 2 llamas and 1 heifer
• A pig
• Chicks
• Ducks • $1,000
• $1,500
• $120
• $20
• $20
• $20 $2680
ITDG • Scheme which would allow 300 families to remove smoke from their homes
• 10 smoke hoods
• 5 bicycle ambulances
• Nuts & bolts to secure houses of monsoon victims
• Sudanese irrigation • $1,925
• $250
• $1,300
• $500
• $1025 $5000
Action Aid • To aid and implement programs in Khlaipathar village, Orissa, India to encourage families to be able to stay together
• 5000lbs potato seeds for planting vegetable gardens • $5000
• $160   $5160
 
TOTAL  
$148,270


~For what are your possessions but things
you keep and guard
for fear you may need them tomorrow?

~And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full,
the thirst that is unquenchable?
There are those who give little
of the much which they have-
and they give it
for recognition and their hidden desire
makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life,
and their coffer is never empty.

~Kahlil Gibran