The Birthday Present that woke me up

Tom decided to scrap the roof when he got home this morning. Not good when your trying to sleeping in. Not to mention the dog was going nuts with the noise. Mackinaw doesn't like things with long handles.
Tom says "this is the best birthday present that he has gotten, next to the nose clippers!" Does my heart good to know that I can hit the nail on the head when it come to making my man happy on his birthday.
Today I will continue to finish to advetures of Liliy and Rosaleen in the "Secret Life of Bees" I'm enjoying this book very much.
I still am not up to par in my health. I think a doctors visit is needed. I'll try to make it Monday or Tuesday. The car is leaking gas pretty bad so we need to get that in and get it fixed. The van needs a new battery first. Car maintance in the sub zero weather sucks. Especially for Tom. I'll have to make his favorite meal, glopp-a-gooey. {don't ask}.

~Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.  ~Kin Hubbard

Tom's Birthday

Today Thomas Roy Blaketurns 51. Man he looks great for his age. For dinner he requested Long John Silvers for dinner {yuck}. For his gift, a 23 foot roof rake! Not romantic, but practical. He loved it! Why does ones birthday have to be romantic? What's romantic about your birthday? I guess some people make it a romantic time. Tom and I like to make our birthdays a practial time. We have some catching up to do I guess. Stuff that make life eaiser. Stuff we wouldn't normally purchase unless there was a "reason" for it. we need excuses to buy. Otherwise we do without. strange folk are we. But it works!


~"The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There's one good thing about snow -- it make's your lawn look as good as your neighbor's."

Man, We got the snow! We've spent the last three days indoors. Occasionally the girls will go out and play in the drifts made by the guy who plows our driveway. I on the other hand, stuck my nose in a book. What a luxury to lay about with blankets and read. Unfortunately, I was experiencing a the beginnings of a migraine. It first started out as a headache and worked it's way into my jaw then the throat and the stomach. It has been four years since I've had one of these. No light, no noise, nautiousness...total darkness and needing drugs. I didn't have anything for a migraine. Nor could I drive anywhere to get anything. I had to reach out and ask for help. But before I did that I suffered a few more hours. Called a friend who is a D.O. and asked if she would call me in something to the pharmacy. No problem. But now I had to call someone to pick it up for me. When you feel like your going to die because of the pain your in and someone you love answers the phone and wants to help, it makes me feel overwhelmed. I love being there for people who need help. There is no better feeling than helping out someone who needs your help. But when the tables are turned, it's harder. Is this the blessing or the woe? {choices}
So the drug were taken and an hour and a half later, It was gone.{11:30pm} Today I deal with the side effects of the migraine and the drugs.
I would like to send out a prayer for a family who is going through some struggles because of a let go in the job. The timing couldn't be worst with their son getting ready to go to college. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

~Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. --William Ellery Channing

silent winter

As we sleeped last night in our cozy beds, middle-aged winter laid 3-4 inches of it's cold blanket on us. After school work is done with the kids, there will be plenty of reading today. I look forward to sticking my nose in a book and cozy up on the couch with a hot cup of coffee.

~"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
Will Rogers.

"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?" ~Lily Tomlin

I'm getting consumed with organizing my house. The drawers and closets are looking much better. I even want to move my furniture around . I never want to do that! I guess I'm tired of all the un-organiziness! {is that a word?}. Of course it's always nice to throw away stuff I've haven't looked at twice in the last year. I'm nesting. Taking advantage of this cold weather.
What I need is a good book to stick my nose in. Any suggestions?

The only thing you're perfect as is being yourself. ---Meghan Berry

A few quotes on Racisim

I look forward confidently to the day when all who work for a living will be one with no thought to their separateness as Negroes, Jews, Italians or any other distinctions. This will be the day when we bring into full realization the American dream -- a dream yet unfulfilled. A dream of equality of opportunity, of privilege and property widely distributed; a dream of a land where men will not take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few; a dream of a land where men will not argue that the color of a man's skin determines the content of his character; a dream of a nation where all our gifts and resources are held not for ourselves alone, but as instruments of service for the rest of humanity; the dream of a country where every man will respect the dignity and worth of the human personality.
~Maritn Luther King, Jr.

But suppose God is black? What if we go to Heaven and we, all our lives, have treated the Negro as an inferior, and God is there, and we look up and He is not white? What then is our response?
~Robert F. Kennedy

Welcome back my friend. You were missed.

Sad to see another lose their mother. It was hard not to cry. It seems like it is all starting for our friends now, This segment of life to experience death
{for most}. I cry for those who cry for their loved one's, and I cry for the fact that I couldn't cry for mine at the time. It was too much of a relief.
But life is too good to be down much longer, even though I have another funeral to got this Sunday for my Grace. There is also two birthdays to celebrate as well.
Martin Luther King day was very interesting. I took the kids down to the Century Center to experience MLK day. It turned out to be mostly a no smoking campaign for all the booth vendors. weird. There was marching and native dancing and singing. A slim two hours in his name. Thank God PBS had a wonderful tribute and life story.....I could have watched all day. They showed walks in Cicro Ill. That was the worst demostration of rascism I've ever seen on Television. And in the north! Theer is something that stirs up in me...a passion when I watch documentaries about rascism. Then I think about all the black friends I have and how we socialize with each other. It doesn't seem like enough to me to make a difference in this ignorant world. There should be more involvement in our lives with all social classes and races. This is what Holy Cross gave my kids. This is what we wanted for our kids. This is the biggest downfall of homeschooling. The diversity is gone. The exposer is gone. My foot in the door of Holy Cross keeps my kids in the mix a bit more than other homeschoolers. Once a week it may be, but the friendships that we had made there {multiracially} is invaluable!
I need to reach out and pull these people back into our lives again. That means being the one who arranges for this to happen. A small price to pay for
for my girls to someday make and continue to make a difference in this world.

The first duty of an education is to stir up life, but leave it free to develop. ~ Maria Montessori

Service

Sunday school went well today. All the kids where there. I made pancakes in the class for the kids snack today. What a blast! After sunday school the kids have children choir, then it is time for service. During the passing time in the halls, the Blake's get their coats and gather up their items for next weeks lesson and split.
When leaving I feel strange. Like I'm betraying someone or something. Myself? My Sunday School kids?
Am I not mentoring properly? Am I a bad egg in the christian faith of our church? Am I suppose to represent better than I do? Why am I not giving this to my own children? Are we setting a bad example?
Better yet...does the service offer anything for us? A resounding NO!
But should we be there for other's instead of just thinking of ourselves, our needs? I guess I don't fully understand what it takes to be participating in a church. Maybe I am gettiing all worked up about nothing.
I don't need the guilt. There's more in this world that needs my time and energy.



"The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been." ~Alan Ashley-Pitt

It is never too late to be what you might have been. -George Eliot

"As a general rule, teachers teach more by what they are than by what they teach (unknown)

The days of everydays

It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, getting back to things here. Tom and I started our morning with going to the gym. I missed our time together going there and back. Some steal away time for us to talk. Hard to do when your husband works nights.
This past Friday was our first HS group gathering this year. We made homemade thank you cards with stamping! Man, I liked it! But don't ask me to go to a home party for it. It was good to see everyone in the group. The bond we have warms my heart. To me, this is what being an at home mom is all about.
This Sunday Tom and I are taking the sunday school class out for a game of bowling and a 3-foot sub. The attendance in class was amazing, so we are taking them out. We are having so much fun getting to know all these kids. We have goals to finish reaching in Heifer Project. This is a yearly goal. Also I would like to incorporate Habitat for Humanity this year. The kids need to be 14 to have any hands on, but I found a nitch. They can help, with adult guidance, in the landscaping of the homes. This should be a good start. I hope for a good turnout.
Well off to start my day..late as usual



"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion."
Abraham Lincoln

A Dream

I woke up at 3:00am last night. My usual pre-cycle thing. I started thinking about a place in my life that was what I would consider rock bottom.
I was living in an apartment on Hill street here in town. There were three apartments in this one two story house.This was a very small efficiency. There were a fighting couple up front. I was in the back and a small single parent family upstairs. I think they were really counting on me for the daily food borrowing, very sad. I had a full time job in a restaurant and I had no car. The city bus was my transportation. I made enough money to cover my rent and bus tickets and never any left for anything else including food. I could eat at the job, but you still had to pay for it. Plus I was sick of the deli crap. If I needed medical help I would go to med point and dash. I was very alone in the world and going no where with my life. I spent all the holidays alone in this room with only me and a BW t.v. with only one channel. So many bad situations, people,choices I was making that year. One day my landlord wanted to fix the cracked window in my apartment I was at work on a double shift. A 10 hour day easy. So I came home and found my door wide open. My heart jumped into my throat. This was by no means the best area to live in. as I walked up the stairs I noticed blood all over my kitchen floor and a rug that used to be on the floor in the sink filled with bloody water. Why would anyone break into an apartment and put a rug in the sink to soak? All my stuff was tossed everywhere. The cash I had for rent was gone. I felt violated! My ears were ringing. I didn't have a phone so I had to go down to the Boatclub to use theirs. The Boatclub is a not so sleezy bar down the street. I called my landlord and she said she new about the blood thing but not the break in.She was on her way and I that needed to call the police. She shows up and told me that the maintenance man was changing the glass in the window when a sheet of glass came down on his leg and gashed it badly. My door was locked and he had to break in to call for help and got blood all over the rug and floor so he put it in the sink to soak He left because I had no phone. Door with a broken lock and someone came bye and took advantage of the situation. If I was out to rip someone off and came into a place that had a bloody something the in the sink I would get the hell out of there. But like I said it wasn't the best area and people were in need. The landlords husband put up a board to cover the window and said not to worry about the rent that month and they left. The door couldn't be fixed until the next day so I had to somehow sleep in this place with an unlocked door!

Alone, totally alone and scared I went to bed. I was too afraid to leave the apartment to make a phone call in fear that something else would happen. Laying there I thought my life really sucks now. This is how my life was going to be like and fell asleep eventually. That night I had a dream that was pivotal in my life and I believe has brought me where I'm today. It was a very peaceful dream. It seemed like a peek into my future. I was happy and secure. There were people who needed me and loved me. It was a family life. I woke up feeling something I hadn't felt..maybe ever? Joy.
Was this an angel who came to me that night in my dreams? Maybe there were other attempts to approach me in my rock bottom times and I wasn't listening or I didn't see it, and that in my dreams was the only way to get the message across? hmm.
I decided to go to college and do something with my life and achieve that ultimate feeling of joy I had in that dream.
At that time I was suffering from seizures. Something that came on in my early 20's. Because of the seizures I was getting most of my schooling paid for by the state. It was considered a disability. interesting......the seizures are gone now. Was this a gift? A tool given to open up a the doors that has brought me to where I am today? I believe it to be so.

Dream.....or Angle? Either way I am grateful to have a "dream" come true.
I feel free to cry about it now and not fear that rock bottom will rear it's ugly head to me again. But if it does, I have the strength and faith to carry it through.


~"When we think that it's over
Baby we find new things to be afraid of
We can pray till we're older
And believe that there is hope even in the night
There is hope
We grab existence by our defeats
And somehow laugh when we are weak
We're being made strong from underneath
Carry us through carry us through"
~ Sarah Masen

Do I have doubts?

This week has been very nice. I have gotten alot done. All the shove and slam closets are neat. I found many things that I have been looking for!
I am trying to get all my "things" done so the path is clear to move right back into school with my girls. I have all their stuff piled up on the coffee table. I don't feel as organized here. This is too flexable for my personality. I think I am trying too hard to cover other peoples expectations of what to cover!
{ books read, suggestions from other HS's}. Finding our own thumbprint is a little more difficult than I thought. Although I do see great potential with the resources I have, I'm not utilizing them well. I'm finding that I only have one foot in the door. I need to stop testing the waters and get wet.
What am I afraid of? Where are my expectations? What happened to my ability to communicate? Where's the faith in myself?
I know I can do this. I'm stopping myself from going forward for reasons I'm not sure of yet.
The beauty of it all is that my kids are not suffering or lacking due to my unsureness. They're kids. Play is such a great learning tool. Some math everyday is sufficient. Grammer twice a week works. Reading is automatic, just not abundant. Books on tape make up for it. This is a great bonding time for us. Amy has no problem asking questions during the books on tape. Some I can answer, others I have to look up like " pannier ".
I think I'm not giving myself enough credit. I'm doing fine. Just jump in there and have fun. I so enjoy this time with my girls. What a gift to all involved.



~"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car." ~Laurence J. Peter

Judgement

Wearing your religion on your sleeve is a blatant use of judgement.
Do you walk with Jesus?
Are you humbled like Jesus?
Do you love like Jesus?
Lord help me with my serpent tongue.

nothing

I have nothing to say

in time

sometimes I think I've got it; But then I should be quiet and listen.