Monday, February 28, 2005

Homemade Lemonade


Homemade Lemonade
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.
Amy: "are you picking up the coop order today?"

Me: "I already did."

Amy: "When?"

Me: distracted while reading other HSing blogs with mouth hanging open; "Yesterday."

Amy: Practicing her guitar for recital; "Did you get lemonade?"

Me: (oops! shoot!) "They were out." "you always make it yourself anyway."

Happy to make her own. A little brown in color because of using turbinado sugar, it has quite a nice bite.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Desire


Desire
Originally uploaded by Surrealist.
I love Flicker. I can go and find something on their site that inspires me to write. Of course this mean Coffee to me!! P-r-e-t-t-y coffee. But that is not inspiring me today. I just need to get a few words in because it has been a while.

GirlScouts:

I just got home from a few hours of World Thinking Day with our Girl Scout Troop. We are doing Scotland this year. We are going to continue beyond WTD in order to earn our Global Patch. This mean writting letters to Troops in Scotland and creating penpals.

Homeschooling:

This week was a bust due to many hours of Mom reading ( 8 Days) and lettng the kids do as little as possible which didn't need my attention. Who knew doom and gloom would catch my attention. But as usual there was hope at the end, but still! No thanks!
On to the next book!! Whats it going to be people? I need something with depth, beauty, hope, growth and humor. Can you fill that? Today I will sit down and arrange for this weeks work for the girls and myself. tick! tick! tick!

MY Girls:

Both my girls have fallen apart this past week over friends that have moved. It only took them MONTHS to finally get it out!!! Hello Mom! Can you see the signs? Sometimes it take a board across the head. what can I say?

Amy has started a new book series (jumping with joy) by Eva Ibbotson. The "Secret of Platform 13" "Island of the Aunts" & "Which Which?" She just started reading it this week. I pulled them off the book shelves ( 1 inch of dust on top ) and just suggested it and she took it!! WAHO!

Kelsey has been reading and rereading the American girl books for all the dolls. Last week she picked up "I can't believe I have to do this" by Jan Alford. This is about a 12-year-old boy named Dean Matthews who can't believe he has to keep a journal, and "What do fish have to do with anything"? by Avi. I did mention the book "Kissing Doorknobs" by Terry Spencer Hesser. She is very interested in that one. I think I will read it first though. The library copies are all out until April (weird) and I don't want to wait anymore. So I am going to order it on Amazon. It only cost 4.95 new with free shipping for 25.00. Figures! They nickle and dime you man!!

Visitors:

Cindy my buddy!! (poodlehead) came by for dinner Thursday night with the Bub (Salvatore). Enchiladas for dinner and Margaritas! Not to mention a few Manhattans!! Sorry we didn't call Corrine. We are Loosers!

Us:

Tom and I are are celebrating our 13th Anniversry this coming weekend. I have made arrangement to have the girls spend the night Saturday and all day Sunday. We are not able to go out of town, so we will enjoy our time together in an empty house. Now thats a bargin! Candles, music, a lovely dinner, (preferably delivered from our favorite resturant), talking, dancing, ETC!

"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.  The order varies for any given year"  ~Paul Sweeney

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Going Places


Going Places
Originally uploaded by Mr Lunatic Fringe.
 Assessing the Road Ahead
Author: Maya Angelou
Date: 02-21-05 12:42

"Each of us has the right to assess the roads which lie ahead and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and, carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well."
-- Maya Angelou

Monday, February 21, 2005

8 days


0974084891.01
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.

Reading:

8 Days.

8 Days is the riveting story of the not-so-distant future when four brilliant young scientists begin the process of cleansing humanity by systematically releasing the chemical X-86 on cities around the world. Their mission? To destroy everything over the course of eight days, leaving a chosen few to survive and rule the planet.
What they donâ??t count on is demented, power-hungry, 60-year-old CEO Tony Andrews who has his own plan â?? and weapons â?? to dominate the world. Neither they nor Tony can stop the chemicalâ??s survivors from coming together to face their uncertain future. The survivors who have been drawn to Joplin, Missouri, have the desire and instinct, along with the visions of eight-year-old Jessie, to guide them and begin to rebuild with what little is left.
~( I am freaking out!!!) I never do Sci-fic. I heard this author on a late night talk show, while "trying" to sleep at the Football Hall of Fame two weeks ago during a Girl Scout sleepover. It was too interesting to pass up. I picked up the last copy. Half way done and I can't wait to pick it up again. Very small print.......... "I don't need glasses....""I don't need glasses.....!"

Church:

Looking forward to Sunday School time next week. One, I don't have to plan anything and two, our most recent missionaries are talking about their experiences in Sudan last month. I have been looking forward to this for three weeks now. I believe I have a calling somewhere in the Missionary~Christian Peacmakers area of our church. I need to find out more.....

ME:

I am starting a jewlery project this week. I found an interest in chain mailing. My first purchase of 18 gage sterling silver wire was quite an eye opener. No room for mistakes.

Us:

Homelife has taken it's toll on us this week.
Kelsey is slowly figuring out that talking out what fears she has and what she worries about can make her stomach aches go away.
Good friends of her have moved away and she is just now staring to talk about her sadness with that. The comfort she had with their old house is something she misses as much as her friends. I can understand that. I never saw her cry so hard before. We cried together. It was a good thing.
Amy is starting to see the one way road to kelseyville with a nonstop to Amytown. Again another emotional outburst about things and missing friends. What a week.
Don't forget the married couple who need to improve their communication skills and to put themselves first and everything else second. Without a healthy 'them' the rest will suffer. The question is, can we do it? I don't think we have a choice.

Homeschooling:

School is going very well. Kelsey is reading "God, It's me Margaret" for the third time including four other non- fiction journals. Amy is reading 1st and 2nd special edition "Secrets of Droon." I hope to move her over a bit to Chicken Soup For the Kids Soul. She seems to be interested in 'real' personal experiences. Thank God!
Both the girls are very unhappy with the way the HS group is going. One of their friends in that group had left offically but shows up once in a while when she can. I believe the only saving grace for my girls. The rest of the kids that are left are either too young too unsoicalized or trying to replace what has been lost and it is not working. I don't think we want to wait to see if bringing in new blood will make a difference. I don't think we have that kind of time when can just move along with out skipping a beat back to their old school and friends. The talk is there. No promting from me.

Music:

I need new music!!!

"The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as long as we live."
~Mortimer Adler

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Today I will be lighter


flower
Originally uploaded by Sorrowful.
I am sitting on the couch this morning with the sun in my face holding my first of several cups of coffee and I am welling up inside. I ache so inside that I can't keep it in any longer.

This last week has and will be a pivital point in my relationship with my husband. I need to get reconnected with him. I need to communicate my losses and what I need to be happy again.

Too many losses this year for me. Although it has been months, it is now just starting to eat at me. My layers of thick skin are thinning.

Second pot of coffee:

I haven't communicated to my husband about how I have been feeling and it is starting to show up in ways that just don't work for me and us anymore. I am too close to the ledge now. I either have to back up or take that leap of faith and vulnerablility and make a change for the good.

The emotional baggage I have been carrying around is too much for
me to carry anymore. I need help. I not only carry around my own, but I carry his and my two daughters.

Alone.
I need help with this honey.
I can't do it alone anymore.
I don't want to do it alone anymore.
I need you to be my best friend again. I need you to hear me.
I need your support.
I need to hear why you love me.
I need to hear what is it about me you love?
What do you see in the future for us? what are your dreams?
what do you need?

These questions will be answered today. Today we will reconnect. And today I will be lighter.

"If all hearts were open and all desires known -- as they would be if people showed their souls -- how many gapings, sighings, clenched fists, knotted brows, broad grins, and red eyes should we see in the market-place!

~Author: Thomas Hardy

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

From Sacred Journey.com


From Sacred Journey.com
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.

And I saw the river
over which every soul must pass
to reach the kingdom of heaven
and the name of that river was suffering -
and I saw the boat
which carries souls across the river
and the name of that boat was
love.



~ Saint John of the Cross

Heart Shaped Lasagna


Heart ShapedLasagna
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.
Started a new tradition for Valentines dinner with a heart shaped Lasagna. It was SO good. I usually make a meatloaf but this year the choice was lasagna.

~How was your valentines? Go ahead, you can tell me, I won't get jealous, I swear!
Mine as usual sucked!!! Even though I did everything I could to make things as perfectly clear (short of drawing a picture and pasteing it on his forehead) that I could. It's all in the details for me. what is wrong with details? You can say "yeah I hear you" or "Okay, that sounds good" all you want, but that doesn't prove anything until it is in action! Yes! I know. He proves his love for me all year with all the small things he does everyday. Yeah, Yeah, So do I. Why can't just one aspect of a romantic fantasy come true in my life? Maybe it has! Maybe that frying pan has hit me in the face and I didn't notice? What is the harm in 'remembering' The one who does all on this one day? Why not just stick your neck out and just be corney for once? You might enjoy it. Not to mention the fringe benefits!
NO BENEFITS THIS YEAR BUDDY!!!!......even though nature made a call....SO THERE!

People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.  ~ Anonymous

Friday, February 11, 2005

Heart Candy


Heart Candy
Originally uploaded by merelyhere.
I found this on another site and snarffed it. I wanted to express my Love for five of you who give me nothing but the purest love and support.


"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."
~Thomas Merton

Thursday, February 10, 2005

changes

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."~Leo Tolstoy


Church:

Found out that the secretary, whom I adored because she never did me wrong, and was always able to putinto words what I couldn't for the bullent, was let go last week. Bonnie had been with us for 4 years. Another change for the church.
This Sunday was our Congregational Forum and Rex Miller who is the Executive Director at Campmack was our moderator for the meeting. While lighting the Christ Candle, he spoke of change for our little church and how important it was in order for thing to be 'alive' again. Rex says, "To not change means your dead".
He had my attention. The meeting went along with it's usual pace. Three of our church members just came back from Sudan and wanted to speak a little about their experiences over there. I was fascinated to find out how they all experienced Sudan differently. They spoke about basic necessities and how we take them for granted. Herd it. But one basic need was met and that was their faith. One young adult representatives is coming from Sudan to the United States to get S.T.A.R. training at (EMUV) Eastern Mennonite University in Virginia. This is a post tramatic stress training program that the e will taken back to Sudan and passed along to other people. One by one. Village by village. Town by town. Providence by providence.
Change.

Homebound and personal.

Started a new traditon of gathering with a family friend on Mardi Gras (fat Tuesday). The girls were invited to spend the night if they wanted to. In the meantime, I had made arrangement for Kelsey to spend the night at her best friends house Friday night because I have a Girl Scout sleep over at the Football Hall of Fame. SHOOT ME NOW! That means Amy goes with me and Kelsey needs a place to stay. No sibling allowed! Just school programmed fake babies that cry when ever it wants too!!
Kelsey, knowing that their would be two opportunities for sleepovers in one week, was more than she could handle. I really thought things were improving in the sleepover area these days.
I was so wrong. Kelsey knew about this Friday but not about this Tueday. So that means she's had plenty of time to work herself up about spending the night at Emilys on Friday. But not for Tuesday night. But, in the meantime, Emily's sister had gotten the flu this past weekend. Emily tells this to Kelsey . Kelsey doesn't like to get the flu and throw up....who does? So with that in mind, the sleeping over and the possiblity of 'getting' the flu that Emily's sister had, has Kelsey stressed. Okay, there is a reason for all this info. We are at the Pearmans having our dinner and Kelsey has all this info in her head and not talking to me about. She has had two glasses of pop that had caffeine in it. Kelsey cannot have caffiene. She is very sensitive to it and it makes her feel like crap. So not her mother's daughter!! Kelsey goes outside to get her bag and while out there 'something' in the wood rustles and crys and scares the crap out of her. She comes in and expressed this and we all think it is the stray cat that hangs around. Kelsey starts to shake uncontrollably and she freaking out not knowing why she is shaking. We leave and head home. She goes into an axinety attack! After calling my friend Michelle the doctor, we are doing breathing exercises and trying to find out the reasons for this attack...... One day, three years ago, Amy was ill for all of spring break. A friend of mine asked if Kelsey would like to get out and come spend the night with Cecelia, a school friend....... Great! Kelsey was so into spending the night at this point in her life. They went to a birthday party that night where Kelsey knew no one but Cecelia. They left the party to come back to Cecelia's house when Kelsey got sick in the car and threw up. Diane told Kelsey that the little girls whose party it was had just gotten over the flu and maybe that's how she got it . Okay. These children were bobbing for apples for christ sake. Tons of kids got sick! So the combination of flu and spending the night isn't a cool thing with Kelsey. Knowing her best friends sister had the flu last weekend and spending the night this friday at her house wasn't going to work. "She is tired of people being mad at her for not spending the night." "Honey, no one is mad at you. "These people love you, they understand." With this all out in the open now, maybe she can move forward.

"Watch your thoughts, they become words.  
Watch your words; they become actions.  
Watch your actions; they become habits.  
Watch your habits; they become character.  
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
     ~ Frank Outlaw ~

Friday, February 04, 2005

P.S. HTML sucks!

Blogging:

Started to write on the old blog earlier this week, then my husband asked for a phone number and I lost what I was working on for the last couple hours! Blip! Gone. I lost my motivation to rehash whatI had already worked on. I have an issue about repeating myself. Verbally and in writing. I don't like to talk just to hear myself talk! I've heard that before? hmmmm. Writting in my journal (blog) is a spontanious thing to me. when the mood hits it hits, and off I go. but if it gets lost in the shuffle, it is gone forever. It has already been said so I'm done. So instead, I took my stress out on sewing some patches on my daughters shash for Girl Scouts. It's a good thing the sewing machine wasn't acting up. I would have been on a roll of loosing it! Okay, maybe a little prementstrual or maybe I have anger issues.....O'well!!!!!

P.S. HTML sucks!

Homeschooling:

Adding in History this week. It went very well. The girls just love it when I read from the Story of The World. Amy especially likes the maps and coloring pages. Kelsey just plays with her dolls and does map work as we move through the story. I picked up the Kingfishers History Encyclopedia, revised edition (05). It runs so nicely with what we are doing in history. I think I'll just add it as a means for independent reading (required) just after my reading sessions. This week was the Defenestration of Prague which started the Thirty Years' War. More like 41 years when all was really done.
Grammar is going so well. The girls really like Heidi and we so appreciate what she is bringing to our girls. Her husband is still working on his dissertation at Notre Dame. So the meantime she is tutoring and taking on job interviews all over the country. A twinge of knowing that we will need to find another tutor haunts me. But as long as the tutors continue to come from Notre Dame, I think we will be just fine. Hedi has never worked with children before, but she is doing quite a remarkable job with this handicap. She brings in bits of herself to the lessons every week which softens my girls. I am very grateful we can provide this for them.

Books:

I've been a bit of a reading fein lately. I have been visiting some the literary blogs suggested by my friend Corrine. (wish I could put a few here on my site, but HTML sucks) The book I just finished is called "Running with Scissors" (a memoir) By Augusten Burrough. Wow! What a wacky truth. Too unbelievable. I was so disgusted, but at the same time I could'nt put it down. I read it in three days. I let everything go in the house because of this book. I was glad when it was done. All I can say is that I coudn't get my house clean enough.

Moving on to other interests. I am tossing around the idea of joining a book group. The book for March is "The Prime of Jean Brody" by Muriel Spark. looks like a quick read and an interesting topic.

to follow or including: for personal use only.
~Eats shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss. I'm going to give it a try anyway. what could it hurt?
~Eating Mindfully, by Susan Albers.

Some on the cuff:
~"In the Absence of the Sacred, The Failure of Technology and the survival of the indian nation" by Terry Mander. I might have to borrow that one from Cheryl. Sounds like light reading?
~"The Time travelers Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger . still wating.........w/o buying.
~"What does it mean to be well educated" by Alfie Kohn

Church:

Went to Harriet Hamers' house for lunch this past Sunday. This Masion is amazing. But I wouldn't want to clean it. I don't know how she can live or rattle around in that huge house all by herself. You would think that would intensify the loneliness factor. Lunch at Harriets' is well known by us to eat before you go or fill up on the store bought desserts. Left overs at her house ARE leftovers from some past fuctions she has hosted and has been frozen in the freezer for who knows how long. Scary food man, Scary! I am amazed when we leave there that Tom doesn't say anything. Mr. Picky non-condiment man. Lunch was over and church talk begins. Why this? why That? Can you think about partaking in this or that? NO. and off we go. We love you Harriet. We wish we had ansnwers too.

Me:

I have needs:

~The need to go out and ride my bike on a 40 degree day.
~To go cross country skiing with my girls.
~go out on a date with my husband.
~quit sleeping in so late all week.
~invite people over for a meal.
~get in my car and drive five hours one way and then another.
~get focused about the B&B
~incorporate the new coop into the food budget.
~get creative again with my beading, I miss it.
~give myself a break.

"I think we can already see the conflict of attitude which will decide our future.  On one side, I see people who think they can cope with our... crisis by the methods current... I call them the people of the forward stamped.
On the other side, there are people in search of a new lifestyle, who seek to return to certain basic truths about man and his world.  I call them homecomers." 
~E.F. Schumacher ~