Sleeping and napping

The natural part of being human I love most, is sleeping and napping, next to a great pee in your pants laugh! Okay, and sex.
I have been very forunate to get some extra sleep in this last week or so. In fact, since I started homeschooling my girls and I have been getting more sleep. I had no idea how much I enjoyed sleeping until I had children. Now it is a luxury to get any extra sleep time in. Two naps yesterday!! Life is good!
Getting ready for New Years Jam night. Lots of work to be done and one last huge social boom before I retire to my world for a month straight without anything too social in the future...... hopefully. This might be our last year doing music for New Years. Happy but sad. Their is talk about a summer time jam session. I hope it happens. I'm in the mood for an outdoors jammin kegger. Brings back memories that were actually good, or at least worth keeping in my long term memory. Well off to Barnes and Noble for some coffee and books.

Christmas Day

Didn't sleep well last night. Tom was up most of the night. I think he is coming down with something. He has a slight temp. Off to LaPorte to see Family. The excitement of a wedding in two days will be all the talk. Turkey and wide noodle soup with lots of finger foods. Some slight gift exchange with the nieces and nephew. Oh no! I didn't get anything for Alex and Lucy! Man, I'm dead! I gotta think quick.
Panic stricken, I must go.
Merry Christmas!

It's here!

~I love Christmas Eve. It's the only part of Christmas I like. I feel like a kid again, or like a kid should. I want to get lost in that feeling again. Especially with my girls. They are at such a great age, I just need to let myself go and be 11 & 9; and keep it all day. [please snow some more]. The energy in the air is nothing but pure excitement for the story to be retold. The anticipation of carols to be sung at church and candles to be lit in a large circle with those in our congregation. All kinds of people, new people, coming together to celebrate many traditions. Some of the traditon we've been expericening for the past several years have been wonderful ones. But as the years go on they change a bit. Sometimes too much. I'm talking about the traveling from house to house on Christmas Eve. Seeing the people you only see twice a year. Over-scheduled and tired from young ones that were not even born yet . Some have decided to take the slow lane to family Christmas. We were blessed with a Christmas like that once. Sure would like to experience it again.
~Merry Christmas Grace

Goodbye Grace

It was very nice getting to know you this past year.
Wishing we had more together.
Shalom and Love,
Lynne

She's ready

This morning we received a prayer chain. My care receiver is dying. I reconized the death rattle last night after caroling outside their room. There is nothing sudden about this way of passing on. I just don't understand that.
This will be my second receiver that will have died in my short career of being a Stevens Minister. What wonderful stories they have shared with me about their marriages, children and church life. By being part of the Steven's program, you gain a wonderful insite of invaluable information about life. Not just a ear for those in need of compainionship. But a need that can be filled by both sides. My need to learn and their need to give us a look into their life experience.

I will think of Grace tonight. As I have all day.

~Good night Grace.

Caroling

Today we are going caroling. We have been doing this for several years now. It has always brought a real sense of Christmas for me, but I'm not in the mood. Except to have the chance to go and carol for people other than who is in our families, that's too easy. I'm going to ask my freinds to join me at South Hold Community Center to sing for my Steven's Care Receivers and those straggling in the halls. My Care Recievers are the only married couple in this retirement community. One is afflicted with alzheimers and the other with a very weak heart. Both of whom are wondering why they are still here. How do you respond to that? "Your here for us?" God has his plans. But why is suffering, prolongness, and a sense of uselessness included?

These folks are the oldest Bretheren from our church that I know. He has been a pastor all his life and she a pastors wife. They raised five wonderful children who give of themselves to others in ways I only hope to achieve at least half of in my lifetime. Their children follow the same in a more modern approach. They find themselves all over the world and very verse in other languages in order to be a part of the world peace movement. Man, isn't that awesome! What a gift these two have given their families. What a gift they have given the world! These two loving people put out an amazing amount of peaceful loveing people in our messed up world. and for that I am very grateful. A lifes work in their love for god for all of us to reep from.
~ And all of the good people said......... "AMEN"!

Into myself too much

So this time of year gets me everytime. I haven't quite figured it out. It could be good timing with mother nature or another cyclilcal thing. I withdrawl . Go into hiding. I feel too much is going on and I can't keep up. I don't want to keep up. I want to be left alone. Sounds bad and depressing.
Too much into myself. "Get over it" a voice says inside. then other voices are telling me it's okay to feel this way, it's "normal". I don't.
So how do I get through it? I put on a party face and plow through it. Keeping the paces until it passes. And it always does. I wonder if it is my souls way of saying "it's time to reflect" since I don't volunteer to do it on my own.
Why haven't I gotten outside of myself yet? What is taking so long? What is it that I need to learn yet in order to move on? I feel stuck.

Blogging

What a trip trying to understand or better yet, manipulate htlm. It's a bit scary, but it can be fun. It's amazing how much time can go into it. But I like the new look.

Live Nativity tonight. The participation gets slimmer every year. The girls are tired of being Angles every year. But you have to be in junior high to get the good parts. It will be a very cold night for this. Cold enough that your boogers freeze in your nose!

Christmas Cards

I was thinking last night about all the Christmas Cards I need to get out before the 18th. And the Cards I need to get out just after the 18th. [ the girls pictures will be in then] If I feel that money isn't an issue when it come to spreading good cheer and to let everyone know that you we are thinking of them this Holiday season , 80 cards times $10.00 plus stamps, it could cost close to $60.00! Not to mention all the labor of filling out the addresses, if they are current. I'm grateful for those return labels we get from the March of Dimes and the Christmas seals from the American Lung Association, they sure purty up the envelopes.
I've pared down to thirty. Then someone sends you a card you weren't expecting and your out! So off to the store to get another package of 10.
I need to beable to recieve then to give. pow! bam! slap!

The Nutcracker today. The whole group will go to support the budding ballet. She actually doesn't have an animal part this year! Interesting how they move up through the ranks. My daughters were proud to get the animal parts in their play. The WAS the big move up. I'm glad it is over with. Not that things are slowing down by any means. I can't stop the movement of this month, even if I wanted to. So I'm putting my head down and plowing through it.
I think we spent too much money again for the Christmas gifts. Why do I want to get them everything they ask for on their list? NO, I didn't get everything. I did some serious cutting and so did my husband. But it still seems like too much. We recieved our tax bill this month. Talk about bad timing. So much for the refinacing and the lower payments, at least for the next year. We are not the only ones who have been slapped with this tax bill. I feel a huge tug at my heart for those already afflected with money issues having to consume this issue so close to an already difficult time of year for them.

My Sunday school class is my salvation when it come to reaching out to the community here and abroad. I have planned a bake/pizza party this Friday with my class. I have 2nd - 5th graders in my class. We have included the junior high, which consist of three kids on a good day. A grand total of 12 if I'm lucky on Friday. Chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cupcakes, yellow cupcakes, brownies and alligator skin made from pie crust, hammered with a meat mallot and sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, bake at 350 [2nd grader's recipe]. I had forgotten that the Nutcracker had an evening performance this Saturday night so New years eve jam is out and re-scheduled for Friday night ARRGGGGG! I am doubled booked again! This is what happens when you want to do it all.

~All proceeds benefit the food bank of Northern Indiana~.

The excitement and energy of these kids [two of the mine] keeps me coming back to church. After the first of the year our church is switching the church serivce and the sunday school times. So sunday school is first! Yeah [ there goes my prep time] My husband had mentioned yesterday this switch while one of my daughters's and I were beading. I told him " how nice it will be to leave right after sunday school class and not have to sit through another one of those sermons". Not good. Not in front of the girl. I said it out loud!

My girls can sit through as sermon without a peep. They always have. People at the church were amazed at how well "behaved" they were during the sermons. "What's your secret"? I have none. We have been blessed. But why should they sit through a sermon that not even suited for them? Where's the excitement? Where's the goose bumps? Where's the feeling you could walk out those doors and survive another week and give of yourself to others? It left when Chuck Taylor left.

So I come into church on Sunday knowing I won't stay for the sermon but embrace my kids in Sunday School. What's the harm? There isn't any. These kids are focused on helping the in community. They want hands on. They want to know they are making a difference now.. Fits my personality perfectly.

Our church is so small that one person absent is a big void. I don't think I like that. Too on the edge for me. Like it could all fall apart quickly. So I hold on to my class and hope for the best.

Less is more I guess.

Today the girls are going with a friend of mine for the night. This generious woman, who has been babysitting my girls since they were born, offers them a yearly tradition of pizza and setting up her christmas tree, movies and games. This includes her own grandchildren as well. How fortunate am I to have this in a grandparentless life? At least on my side of the family.

Also I took the girls to the library. I love going there. I came home with so many books. We are learning about the history of Christmas' from picture books and books from other countries with diffferent traditons.

On our way back home I stopped by the Chocolate Cafe' to have a little treat. This was a very last minute idea. They were busy as usual. But it felt like Christmas and I wasn't in a hurry. When we recieved our order from the counter the man behind the counter said " Your Lynne Right?" Of course I didn't even reconize him. I said "yes, how are you?" I guess the look on my face said "I have NO idea who you are." He said it's Bob Radde! WOW. A blast from the past! A past that is so blurry to me, but still other people are able to reconize me, still, after all these years. I find that amazing. Why? Well, like I said it was a blurr. Parents who are divorced and passing kids back and forth every two years or so for most of there adolescnets, it's hard to make connections with people. But how do they remember me? I understand that his mother was one with all boys. Four or five I think. They lived in my neighborhood which would be my second time living with my Father. Times were hard and all three of us kids left one at a time over a period of four years. I had heard from a friend of mine that Mrs. Radde was seriously thinking about taking me in! Wow! That blew my mind! Of course it never happened. But what if?
I hate it when I see people that know me and I don't know them. I'm never sure how to react, other than be myself I guess. I feel such a sense of loss when this happens. Like big holes in my life that never got mended. Or maybe just a bunch of what if's. Life takes us in al directions. I am grateful for where life has taken me these last 20 years. I can't mend the holes that was left behind me but I can create "a new" with no holes and include some of the scraps of my past that were good.

Okay. I tried messing with my template. Am I nuts? It's all so confusing. I need to take a class on template reading. Comments would be cool if it works out. YACCS is closed. I guess they are tapped out.

Took one of my daughthers to Elkhart for the Christophers Christmas play. Three shows today! We did get some rain snow mix. not fun to walk in with my berk's. Any school work this week? NOPE! That is the beauty of homeschooling. we can push and alter our daily subject needs. Sometimes I get a ping inside that tells me what the system has drilled into us about weather or not my girls are up to par. Many book and methods on homeschooling. The question is "How relaxed or not so relaxed are you going to be?" What works for you is the answer. My husband is a little bent about the lack of structure in our schooling method. Again , it's just what the system has drilled into us. When things seem too kicked back, he jumps into what you need to be doing everyday thing. "This is what you have to do!" "It's not supposed to be this "relaxed!" I call it unschooling. I am amazed at the amout of patience I have over my husband. I always thought that he was the patient one and I was lacking. Interesting. I am proud of my growth in the last year as far as my patience is concerned. It had always been a thorn in life. I think my biggest complaint is that I have to ask for some time to myself. I need to tell them to go find something else to do so I can do what I want to do. Like this Blog. That doesn't make me a bad person. Just someone who want sometime to her self. My children will be scarred no matter what I do. I don't think there is a child in this world that doesn't have a "This is what my parents did to me" story. Get over it.

Good Day! I'm very excited about "the" first significant snow this winter. I would have to say it is about time. I love the feeling of being snowed in. Neighbors coming together and time to slow down the day and find some flicks of even more joys. This year I am going to try and embrace winter with in a more positive thinking. I know..it could be the long gloomy days that last for weeks giving me a vitiman D deficency, but that is no excuse.
I will fill those days with bonding with my daughters and cleaning out the slam and shut closets. I will treat myself well with long hot baths, yoga , a good book and cat naps. I will eat as healthy as I can during the holidays (totally hard) and work out with my husband at the YMCA. Sounds like I have it all in a nut shell, My kids, My husband and myself. In the right order of course.

I'm eating biscuits my daughter made this morning. Cute little hearts and flower shaped ones. I knew the smell of them would draw my husband from his sleep into the kitchen in search of this family delight. Bed head and barley dressed he starts to tell us of his latest money making deal. Some guy at work wants to sell his enviromentally conscious car to buy another and isn't getting a good price from the lot guys. So Tom was told " If you help me sell this car, I will give you money to help you buy a digtial camera". That was a challenge he couldn't pass up. It just so happens we have a friend who is very interested in this type of car and it sounds like she is going to buy it! Tom starts his little "I made a great deal dance" and goes back to bed. It's at times like these when I think to myself how easy it would be to live like this ( finding and making deals) instead of the drudgery of an everyday job? Could we survive? Would it be consistant enough? The fear of not answering all these questions with a resounding YES keeps us on the safe track of socialital acceptance. But is assures me that we would survive!!!! even if we did have to collect cans on the side of the road.

So why am I thinking this way? That there will be some great loss in our lives to put us into this type of situation? I'm thinking that I will always be on guard. Living out of my car for a week kinda puts you there. Living in a house that I cannot pay rent and buy food can keep me there. Riding a bike that is not yours to steal food from a churches kitchen because I had'nt eaten in several days can put you there. Thank you Dan Flannigan.

Survival.......building character and strength.
Sometimes life can be so good that these scenarios creep up on me again. reminding me that it could happen again.....to any of us. Once you've been there, you don't want to return. who would? But just in case. I am always thinking of ways. The surivival instinct. A show on survival can't emulate the loneliness and pain. just the inconvience of some slight suffering according to our lives, as easy as they are! Where's the gratefulness? How can you really appreciate something as simple and being warm? water? food? Clothes? Friends? Someone who thinks about you so your not so alone?

Alone, now that's scary